mervyn

Ambivalence

2012-03-20T20:41:00.002+08:00

Before I continue on my contract notes, I have to answer my urge to blog.

The me one year ago, on 20th March 2011, probably would not have imagined myself surrounded with this set of circumstances.

Struggling in law school. Troubling over my future. Troubling over, trying to find a solution for eroding friendships in school. Fear of despise.

All these probably would not have happened if not for law school. It's really been crazy. When I was told that it would be crazy, I didn't know that it would be THIS crazy. Everything is taking a toll from the huge amounts of time spent on studying, doing up notes, making up for incompetent teaching, doing assignments, this and that.

The effects are extremely salient. People in school don't smile that much compared to semester one. People sigh, grunt in agony or just simply go crazy more often. Witness as students trod about without life in their eyes, with great weight in their feet, intent to have their behinds stuck on a chair from morning all the way till the lights are all gone. It pains when I witness friends falling out with each other. Someone said: "Year one, semester two, is a vortex. It will suck the soul away from you". It certainly feels way different from last semester.

I truly admire those who have the determination and stamina to study in such a unwavering manner. Then again, it might not be something worth admiring. It certainly is a conundrum: is this really all worth it? Don't get me wrong. I do try my best. But regrettably, my best appears to be lacking; my grades provide unquestionable evidence. I already almost went mad last semester studying *close* to that manner closer to the examinations. This semester I've taken it a lot higher. But then again, it pales greatly in comparison to what the others are doing.

I think I've thought it through, and decided on something - that I would just do my best, regardless of what the rest do. Whatever happens, happens. I'm not too sure if this mentality is the right one, but what more can you do, when what would have been personal free time has already ended up going to studies? But still, I just cannot help but feel upset, or stressed about it. Perhaps the repercussions are grave. Or perhaps it's just the infectious atmosphere in school.

Amidst all these, at least I've found an extra pillar of support. She brings me smiles, laughter, and comfort at times. Yet she is one of my motivations to push myself harder, to challenge myself to test my limits and exceed them. Without her, and my other better friends in school, I think I'd have been dead by now.

Now, there is only the holidays to look forward to. Exams? I'll just have to work hard. I cannot complain, if like last semester, I have already toiled my butt off, but the results still end up being unsatisfactory, right?

Well. Back to duress, undue influence and unconscionability.

2012-02-29T22:47:00.000+08:00

29th February 2012.

A special date.

A landmark in my life.

2012-02-24T00:40:00.004+08:00

I wonder if I've done the right things.

What more is expected out of me?

This feels like shit.

It really does ):

2012-02-19T00:56:00.003+08:00

Never ever going to be easy, wasn't it.

2012-01-03T23:59:00.002+08:00

Missed out on a gold timing yet again, this time by 9 mere seconds. Guess it's kind of remarkable I managed to clock at that speed given that I barely did any training with my messed up knee. I felt like I could have pushed myself harder though, as it certainly wasn't like the previous occasion when I almost thought I was going to die (yet still be a split second short). And the feeling sucks. Cursed at myself right after seeing my time.

But is this how it's really going to be, then? To never be good enough in all aspects of life? To be almost there, but never capable of reaching it?

I'm definitely not perfect. Neither am I expecting myself to be. Not sure about what others expect of me. But even if my best is not competent enough, I will keep trying. There's all to gain when you give it your all, right?

2011-12-24T23:07:00.002+08:00

Recently, my ring finger and pinky on both sides of my hand have been randomly numbing up. Don't know if it's any cause for concern, just hope it gets better on its own.

Just led me to think:

"what if I lose all the sensation in my hands, before I ever get to hold yours."

Epic fail.

2011-12-22T22:14:00.002+08:00

Got my grades back and wow. Do they suck, or do they suck? It's quite a setback indeed.

I do feel quite indignant about it. After all the studying and preparation never seen before in my life that I did, I had really expected and hoped for better grades, at least for that one beast of a module we call TORTS.

Maybe too much time away from studying has indeed caused certain decay in my grey matter.

Perhaps, by my standards, working hard is nothing compared to the effort that many others have put into the examination prep.

Or I could have just reached the actual ceiling of academic performance that I am capable of; simply not good enough.

Regardless the reason, there is nothing to do but to look ahead, to push harder and strive for the next semester. Hopefully I'd be able to push my overall grades up, in order to offset the repulsive set of alphabets that I've attained this past semester. I just fear for the life (or lack of, more accurately) that would be experienced this way.

Oh wells. Looking forward to the little things in life that brighten it up. Like having a merry christmas and a hopefully happy new year. Heh.

2011-12-05T13:39:00.001+08:00

Well, not that I'm a Twilight fan, or that I've lived for a thousand years, but this is just awesome.

Can't believe I caught Twilight with a bunch of my army friends. And we were ridiculing it half of the time together. We were just bored the other half. Alcohol influencing your decision-making skills? Check.

2011-11-26T20:32:00.001+08:00

Oh hello, world.

The lunacy is over, for 6 weeks or so at least. This will probably be the most cherished 6 weeks of my life so far. My reward for surviving uni life so far - a nice bout of stomach flu that started creeping in since yesterday. Thanks a million, life.

What can I say? School has been pretty overwhelming thus far. Yeah, you hear of all the horror stories, of how law school is "crazy". I definitely believed all of them, and it was certainly within contemplation that life, as I have known it for the past 21 years, would be radically different from before. Just thinking about it though, is an entirely separate issue from experiencing it first hand. I have never ever slogged my ass this hard in my life.

The first week of official lessons opened my eyes (as if they weren't wide enough to begin with) to the harsh reality of society. I have genuinely never felt that stupid in my life before; lecturers blabbering, friends discussing, all to which I haven't much of an idea was going on. I told myself, maybe it was just the couple of years of serving the nation that caused the degeneration of that thing in my head. Or it could just be the case that I am actually not really up for this. Can't really believe that I have actually sat in front of my desk a couple of times during the first few weeks, and panicked.

Don't get me wrong. I am not one who perpetually overachieves, gets incredible grades since day one of education, and yet lament at the failure to get full marks for a test. That sort of stigma of being from a neighbourhood school certainly follows you around wherever you go, that which is evidence of (albeit past) incapabilities inherent. Compared to the vast majority here who have been educated at highly prestigious branded schools one after another, I am certainly not that significant at all. I got this similar feeling when I first stepped into JC. But somehow, everything sorted itself out. Just like in secondary school.

How miraculous.

Hopefully a similar miracle is working its magic for me now. I am certainly surviving school for now, and probably not without the help of having great friends around, to share the pain and undergo the hardships together, to find moments of laughter and joy under the never ending deluge of work to be done. Friends have always been a significant part of my life, and now I think we all need each other more than before.

At least now I know that what I'm studying would be immensely useful and practical in the future, compared to math and chemistry in the past where I could never foresee myself applying at work.

Example: My parents were supposed to go to Bangkok for a holiday. But yeah, everyone knows what happened. So one fine day my dad tossed a stack of papers in front of me and said something like... "You're studying law right? Here, see if I can claim from the insurance company".

I've never felt this useful in my life before. I intently scrolled through the clauses, trying to make good all the knowledge of contract law I've had so far. Indeed, quite a number of things make a lot more sense than before. After reading through, I advised (HAHA) my dad and told him that he would most likely be able to claim for a sum.

But alas, it was not meant to be. At this point, I think there's some nonsense going on and it's not all that easy. So now my advice to him is to go to CASE. Definitely nowhere near the finished product, and a vastly naive overestimation of myself. Lol. But yeah, I would certainly be a lot more useful in the future. I hope.

Now, it's just R and R. And get this annoying stomach flu aside. To stop and smell the roses that I so miss.

2011-11-21T20:59:00.001+08:00

Oh wow it's been so long.

So much has happened. (but some things never change)
So much shit swirling around in my head.

I have no idea what on earth I'm struggling for, whether it's all worth it.

To avoid looking like a total whiner on Facebook, I guess this is a pretty good alternative just to write some stuff, to release pent up emotions, especially when there's no one around.

I think I could write an entire memorandum-length post, but heck, I haven't the time.

Oh help.

2011-05-18T21:18:00.002+08:00

In the days leading towards last Saturday, it was a whole mix of feelings. On one hand I was really excited for it, to see all my great friends come together for once. Yet on the other, it was with much trepidation and uncertainty of the event: what if the place was not big enough, what if the atmosphere became one too awkward to bear, what if chaos ironically assumes control of the proceedings. Too many what ifs.

Thankfully, paranoia was true to its very definition. I would say that everything fell into place nicely, without much need for brain cracking or desperation. From the settling in, placing decorations, mingling with friends, cake cutting, cake smashing and, erm, late night events, everything kind of transited seamlessly from one to the other. Thank goodness, too, that my mind did not go into a whitewash when I gave my speech. I had been mentally going through the key points which I had hoped to cover for a few days prior to that, so even though I wished that I had said more, the gist of whatever I wanted to bring across was more or less there.

So yeah, I guess it was an awesome event :D

It was almost surreal to have a congregation of so many of your friends who have been a part of your (not very long) life. Perhaps this is the closest to time travel we would ever get, seeing friends from different chapters of your life gathering together in one small place.

But then of course, something does not require anything even remotely similar to time travel, because it transcends time itself - family.

I really think that I have one of the most awesome group of parents and siblings there can ever be. They are ever supportive of my decisions, and try to their best of abilities to help me out when I am lacking. This birthday get-together (I would not say party, I had always wanted it to be more for me to see all my friends, and for my friends to meet one another, regardless if they have met before or not; it was more of a celebration of family and friendship) was the epitome of my family's love for me, but do not get me wrong. It was not as if I needed proof of their love.

Mum, Dad, my sisters, I love you all.

2011-04-30T20:40:00.002+08:00

It is totally inconceivable that, one month ago, I was in some foreign land having an experience of a lifetime.

My first real overseas holiday trip in about 5 years was a huge eye-opener, to say the least. A feast for all the five senses: great weather, majestic architecture, unique social etiquette, awe-inducing scenery and authentic western food were just some of the greater exclamation points of the trip.

I think I have been really blessed to have an opportunity like this to travel across oceans through the clouds, to visit places where a young me would think exist only in fiction. Now, when people mention the Colosseum, the United Nations' headquarters, or even the Eiffel Tower, I can be proud and glad to say that I've been there (:

2011-03-22T16:21:00.002+08:00

When it comes to my health, I think I would be the paragon of paranoia.

If all my previous niggling suspicions were confirmed, I think I would have died like 23536232789 times over from all sorts of crazy maladies: heart disease, cancer, brain concussions, yeah you get the idea.

Now, I have someone tell me that my eyes look a tad yellow /:

So what on earth could that be? Mononucleosis? Liver cirrhosis? See, all shit like that. Never good stuff. Weiguo says it's eye infection stemming from wearing too much contacts, but I only wear them like, at most 3 to 4 times a week? And there's nothing I found online about eye infections relating to yellowy eyes /:

Maybe I should just stop drinking all the alcohol, maybe my liver's in pretty bad shape. After Sunday night's session, I dunno, I'm still having a dull headache up till now ): And even before that, I had something weird go on, vision in my right eye suddenly got obscured partially by this.... I dunno wtf is that thing. Kind of like a part of your vision getting replaced by something like television static, but not exactly, at the same time I felt a bit lightheaded.

After some research, I think what I experienced was a retinal migraine. Like, huh? Ah the wonders of technology, wonder how people survived in the past. Nothing serious, I guess, had an almost similar experience years ago. But if all my present symptoms are kinda related to each other, guess I'm in pretty deep shit.

WTF IS GOING ON. I DON'T WANNA DIE MAN. D:

Well, I think I'm gonna let my holiday in Europe pass, and see if any more crazy stuff happen. If so, I think it's time to see a doc. ):

2011-02-15T01:02:00.001+08:00

If heartache was a physical pain,

I could face it.

2011-01-16T19:48:00.001+08:00

Birthday celebration.

Hold.

Not hold.

Hold.

Not hold.

Hold.

Not hold.

Rawr.

Sigh.

2010-12-19T20:48:00.002+08:00

So, I've been a civilian for more than a month already.

It feels pretty good actually, being able to spend your whole Sundays carefree without worrying about booking in or feeling all shitty about it. Of course you get that extra thrill when walking around and seeing similar aged guys walking around in green while you're sporting a haircut that would certainly help in populating the camp on weekends.

Now, I just spend most of my days at a tuition centre. When I'm not teaching, I'm typing math questions into the computer. Or surfing the net. It's tiring, and I don't get paid very well for my job, but it's pretty enjoyable.

The gratification you get from helping students in class is pretty unbeatable. It might not be easy for a beginner like me, or even stressful when you have to conduct a lesson on something you've totally let time devour, but the nodding heads, smiles, laughter, and even incredulous faces O.O when you try to explain remainder theorem, make it all seem worthwhile. Thinking about you being in their places a few years ago easily puts a smile in your heart. I've this kid, though, whose attitude really annoys the crap out of me, but I'm glad to say that's pretty much the only anomaly. Apart from annoying parents too.

I know exactly how full time teachers feel now, when they seek careers in education. If they truly enjoy working with kids, there couldn't be a better job for them. They might whine and complain about how much work they have, how even the night sky looks bright relative to their eye bags, but deep inside, they probably don't mind the noble sacrifice one bit.

Well, I'm just a sucker for nostalgia.

2010-10-17T20:42:00.003+08:00

As the hugely anticipated date draws close (on second thoughts, is it really so now...?), a big question is formed from the gist of uncertainty and insecurity.

"What now?"

On the surface it all seems rosy; scented, polished and gift-wrapped, served on a golden platter. It's what everyone does right? Grab a temporary job, go on vacations, do some self studying, before preparing for school all over again after a pretty long hiatus.

But somehow, it all just seems so empty.

Maybe it's just me, or the effects of spending the last 1 year and 10 months dwelling on what have been and what might have been, allowing all sorts of weird paranoid thoughts to creep in.

Or maybe it's because life is too short and I've regretted tonnes of things I've done or not done. Life is no (nintendo) game, a search for a reset button of any sort is all for naught. If the grains in the hourglass would defy gravity somehow there'd be some sort of reprieve, but crap. I'm in my twenties already.

However, I must say that the past 1 year and 10 months have been quite enriching. Especially so when meeting and dealing all people from almost the entire spectrum of society, they have been my windows to the world out there. Both in and out of army, I've seen how life is an uncharitable bastard, brutal and relentless. Show any signs of weakness, and you'd be quick to repent, or face damnation and relegation, being made to bleed and toil to sustain yourself. It might be unfair, but when Lady Luck doesn't like you a whole lot, you can't do nothing but fall on your butt over and over again.

I truly fear.

I don't want to crumble into a pile of dust with nothing but footprints all over.

Of course not everything is all doom and gloom. I've made so many new friends, and I foresee these friendships to last a pretty long while. With all the shit we've gone through together, crazy things we've sneaked under prying eyes, it's pretty much reminiscent of the days in JC with the awesome times together with 7 other equally crazy guys.

I've learnt so many other things, but to list all of them here would be tantamount to overloading the server.

Oh of course, quite importantly I've acquired the sacred power to defend the nation.

Ah what the hell.

If you're reading this now you probably skipped all the random blabber of text above. Or maybe you did read everything. (If so you're probably REALLY bored lawl)

(/incoherent rubbish)

2010-08-25T21:51:00.002+08:00

This blog is kinda dead. (apart from the regular spam messages i get wth?!)

Pretty much an accurate reflection of it's owner's life i think.

I'm pretty upset that i clocked 9min45s for my 2.4km. That's like super unlucky please. Just cutting it by 1sec will make me go from being tagged as SILVER to GOLD. More importantly, 1 second makes the difference between $100 and $200.

Dammit, i ran my ass off (my butt really hurt after the run) and it was for naught, at best to be on equal terms with one who ran 11min19s, perhaps?

ARGH.

2010-07-11T20:39:00.004+08:00

I'm loving the Miami Heat even more than ever now. Ever since i watched them lift the championship back in '06, it's been just pretty pathetic watching them screw every single thing up from then on. Finally, now. It's a good time to be a Heat fan wahaha. It's ownage time.

On the other hand, for Man Utd....

This. Cannot be their new home kit. Imagine my heartache when i saw the power ranger-esqe kit with the single chevron pointing downwards last season, now i witness the abominable red piece of cloth shown above. C'mon, surely Nike can create something better than this with all the obscene amounts of money pumped into the creative and design departments? It's yet to be officially released though. (this is a 'leaked' pic i found online) PLEASE LET IT NOT LOOK LIKE THIS OR I'LL BE QUITE SAD but i'll prolly still end up buying it anyways hahahahahaha.

Sigh.

2010-06-22T19:31:00.002+08:00

I'm back! Yayness.

So many things:

Aeroplane ride. Walking non-stop. Digging and more digging. Becoming even greater friends with soil. Insane heat. Perspiring non-stop everywhere. Layers of sand and dust covering everything. Scaling and descending from treacherous slopes. Getting cut by everything. Crazy heat rash. Getting fat at the canteen. Bus rides longer than the aeroplane ride.

Most importantly, what's been dreaded for so long, is finally over (:

Now, for ORD.

And shedding the kilos all over again /:

2010-06-03T15:44:00.002+08:00

After so long, the day's finally here.

The past few days have been awesome man, going out, meeting friends, running into the night, camping on my sofa, waking up in my bed every morning when the sun's out, ah gosh. The smell of ORD is certainly tempting /:

Guess there are a few plus points of going to Thailand:

- avoiding mozzies every night in bunk

- avoiding mozzies every day outfield (i hope)

- experiencing training out in a foreign land

- having new food (finally) in a new cookhouse

- taking a plane flight for the first time in YEARS

But on the bad side.... there's stuff like extreme heat and risk of being mistaken for an infected (like L4D) by overzealous villagers.

Throw anything at me, just let these 18 or so days pass by real quick. Like REAL quick. Please?

Oh well. Guess it's just like enlistment all over again, with the close-to-three-weeks initial confinement on that resort island it looks like from the beaches of changi. It was mindblowingly painful, yes. But survived, and will do so again hahaha.

Sigh. Goodbye technology. Goodbye family and friends. Goodbye home.

When i'm back, it will be a totally different thing to look forward to daily (:

Sawadikap /:

2010-05-23T20:15:00.002+08:00

The BIG two-zero.

No longer a teenager.

I'm so old already.

Sigh. ):

What a way to spend my birthday, at range hahaha.

Hopes of celebrating my birthday in green with an extra 200 bucks to spend disappeared in an instant with nightfall. The money would have been a great consolation to spending a special day in camp, but alas, it was not meant to be ):

It doesn't feel that special anymore, actually /:

Thailand beckons in less than 2 weeks, whoopee. I really feel like saying BRING IT ON, but it really is quite long a period of time to spend there /:

And my R and R spot got burnt down in Bangkok. Nice.

Oh wells, at least i'd be back less than a month from now, enjoying the ever strengthening aroma of ORD (:

2010-04-25T18:59:00.002+08:00

The road north starts turning harder to traverse, crazily winding, with potholes growing in quantity, slopes getting steeper, the sun piercing ever more strongly into ourselves.

To think that in 2 months time, i'd have returned from thailand already.

But this week probably marks the start of the most challenging period of my life as a full-time national serviceman.

Alot more sweat, blood, soil, mozzies, lack of sleep, pimple outbreaks.

Lol.

Hopefully, i've already created a bond between my men and i, and i can draw strength and support from them in these telling times.

The end is near, yet so far. Very, very far.

2010-04-11T20:37:00.001+08:00

Life in the real world is brutal.

Really really brutal.

2010-04-04T19:48:00.004+08:00

So much has happened since i last posted.

But nothing exceptionally saddening i guess (:

(apart from man u losing to chelsea RAWR what nonsense)

Scholarship applications! Gosh, what a hassle. Essays, essays, more essays. It had been such a long time since i last activated my brain cells hah! Oh wells, just writing whatever nonsense i could think about, mostly about what i aspire to be, how i learnt from this experience and that yadda yadda.

SO. After much procrastination and mind tiring thinking, i submitted about 6 applications. Out of which, only STB (no, not the freaking slabs of steel we carry across rivers, the tourism board lol) , MAS and SIA have given me a chance. (freaking acronyms lol)

Here are the various outcomes:

MAS - kicked out of the first round amusingly (Haha! Please, to write an intelligent essay about 'How do you measure success' after more than a year in the army is quite impossible. Plus a psychometric test that was really interesting, but demoralizing when you see how fast your peers do it compared to you. My brain, is seriously, not working.)

STB - got through to the second round after a pretty failed interview (ridiculous questions that were REALLY specific to your experiences that i could only give lame answers to after thinking for SUPER long. i really wonder how i got through)

SIA - just gave me a slot NEXT SUNDAY. SUNDAY. SUNDAY?!?!?! Seriously, why not a weekday?! Dang, one of the main highlights of all these is to take time away from camp, and i receive an email telling me it's on a SUNDAYYYYY.

Sigh, i dunno if i should go for the SIA one now, cause.... now im not even sure if i should go for these bonded scholarships. OCBC (the only non-bonded one) has not even contacted me. The bond will make me obliged to serve the company for at least 4 years, which isn't exactly a good idea given the nature of what im going to study, I wouldn't be able to go under the bar and practise law.

But then, there's the hefty tuition fees. My parents are gonna pay for me if not for the scholarship, not that they can't, but it's just to remove a huge burden off their shoulders.

How. Okay, not like i can even get through to the final rounds for any of them in the first place right. Hahaha.

I FINALLY WENT OVERSEAS LAST WEEKEND. (: (: (:

(^my dad's primary school! how cool!)

Haha(:

Albeit it being only to malaysia, for one night, and travelling by bus. Hahaha (:

It still felt great! Oh how i love just staring out the window and watch the hypnotic, put-on-loop scenery fly past, with my ipod cranked up to my ears. How i love walking in foreign soil (though malacca is WAYYY too familiar already) and appreciating the differences from home. How i love seeing familiar faces that ive missed, those ive not seen for ages. How i love cozying into the HUGE COMFY HOTEL BEDZXZX.

(: (: (:

Ah man. I'm SOOO looking forward to going overseas BY PLANE to a FAR FAR AWAY place at the end of the year (:

I've block leave the whole of next week! Yay. But. I think id be rotting at home most of the time, i mean, everyone else is SOOOO BUSY ):

Okay, SEVEN MONTHS till ord. C'mon c'mon.

2010-02-21T19:50:00.002+08:00

Anticipating chinese new year made the days in camp pretty bearable.

Celebrating chinese new year itself was great, a break from monotony is more than welcome.

Seeing the chinese new year festive mood and holidays slowly fade into the shadows is really saddening.

C'mon, about 8 and a half months to go.

2010-02-13T21:37:00.002+08:00

Chinese new year eve is finally here, thank goodness.

With the notion of a really daunting week ahead i had last sunday, (everything came in fast and furious once i booked in, gawd) i almost thought i was dreaming when i was packing my stuff after my guard duty ended in camp this morning. This will be one of the best long weekends i'm gonna have in a long long while, a break from seeing green and grey all day long, facing up to unbelievable events in camp, yadda yadda.

I'm so gonna cherish these few days of freedom.

It's still a tad early but, happy chinese new year!

2010-01-31T19:56:00.002+08:00

I've been feeling physically tired so easily recently, like even short runs make me feel like juice from a thousand lemons got jabbed into my muscles.

I feel like i'm falling apart.

Help.

2010-01-24T19:57:00.002+08:00

Life hasn't been really good in camp these days. (as though it was any great in the first place)

From all the stress from both superiors and juniors, getting told off for all the most ridiculous reasons, to messing up the simplest of things.

Life's like that, huh. But keep biting on my lips, bear with the pain, i will.

Unless it becomes too excruciating, perhaps. /:

On a brighter note, chinese new year's coming! It better lighten things up alittle. Can't wait for all the visitings, the food, and the ANG PAOZ. BOOMZ.

I really have to say that i have at least FOUR different levels of tan on my skin. I think i'd look ridiculous if i ever go to the beach anytime soon, hahaha.

Almost time to book in! Sigh. ):

2010-01-02T17:16:00.002+08:00

There goes 2009. And 2010 just comes bouncing in along.

I'm gonna be in the army for one year already, haha! (Ten months till ord!!!)
Can't quite believe it, really. One year ago.... the feeling was horrible, heh. Now, im just really really tired (after spending new year's eve at wk's and night cycling earlier hah). All the weird things that you do after a night cycling, hilarious. (Such as failing to see a road bump ahead when driving /: )

It has been quite a blast opening 2010 this way, sadly i've guard duty tomorrow, gotta book in later ): ): ):

Sigh, i just really hope, that this year will be much better than the previous one.

Happy new year.

2009-12-26T20:45:00.003+08:00

Till 2010, i only need to be back in camp for one day. Sounds AWESOME man wahahaha.

Until it is found out that there's only like what. Five more days in 2009? That's just shingz manzxzx.

I heard weeks ago that somewhere on this planet there exists a nation where our dear santa claus is prohibited from giving his trademark HO HO HOOO. I really wonder what all the santa impersonators say there then.

HA HA HA! MERRY CHRISTMAS!
HEE HEE HEE! " " ?!?!

I really wonder. Must be a pretty amusing christmas over there all the time. C'mon, im sure santa didnt have insulting females in mind all these while, aren't we all supposed to be mature and intelligent enough to avoid relating and spoiling x'mas with lame derogatory slangs?

Oh wells, merry belated x'mas, and a happy boxing day.

2009-12-13T21:25:00.003+08:00

Hah i'm supposed to be confined in camp. Somehow i'm clearing my offs and leaves now.
Now it's gonna be next week. /:

Oh wells.

I'm seriously growing old really quick, like, i think my knee's degenerating already. Sigh. ):

2009-12-06T20:07:00.002+08:00

Seven days of stoppage of leave here i come. Byebye next weekend. ):

I so wanna cry.

Shit happening to you? There's always more from where that came from. Yay!

Haha.

2009-11-22T14:50:00.002+08:00

10 days straight in tekong protecting plane flying all over to and fro singapore, returning to camp immediately for standby duties when it's not supposed to be me, when the rest get 2 days off, getting charged mainly because of the unbelievable state of oblivion of my men to the surroundings and really REALLY BAD luck.

There's just so much more i can list. Life's supposed to be spelt as L-I-F-E.

Mine's F-M-L-I-F-E.

Got out together with the class guys yesterday, and finally after some time we had all 8 members of pda out hahaha. It was really great, reminiscing all the crazy times we had in nj, re-enacting some of them even. Heh. After going on great circles thinking of places to go to, things to do, we ended up in clarke quay drinking. Playing 7up, laughing at each other taking shot after shot, helping one of our guys when he got drunk, standing by him. Hahaha, crazy times indeed.

Now i understand how people go drinking to drown their sorrows. Disillusioned with their problems, they simply cannot be bothered to control how much they're drinking, to control their willpower to prevent themselves from getting intoxicated. Seriously, i thought i was going to end up wasted last night. But i kept telling myself NO subconciously, to maintain my control over my actions. It worked i guess, hahaha.

I think music beats alcohol anytime in dousing the emoments.

2009-11-08T14:16:00.003+08:00

The big countdown has begun, 362 days till ord...

It sounds like i've gone through loads of army already, but i haven't even been through half of the full duration hahaha. (i'm halfway next month)

Sigh.

Been travelling to so many different camps, might as well call us combat normads rather than combat engineers hah. It's pretty much a pain in the butt to carry all your stuff from one camp to another so many times in such a short time span. Lemme count, since the beginning of the year, ive been to.... at least EIGHT different camps, staying there for different durations each. The past week i was at clementi camp. Tonight im booking in to hendon camp. Tomorrow im off to tekong. RAWR.

And this marks 10 days back in tekong, that's a pretty good thing i guess, ive been missing that place alittle for some time, and maybe i can scare a couple of bald recruits here and there hahaha. But 10 days out there without contact with civilisation sucks man. It's certainly not as bad as compared to going to some other foreign land, but ah whatever, im having my fair share of overseas training next year.

My social life has been crumbling before my very eyes, perhaps this is something quite expected... Everyone's missing from here and there, and i can feel the distances growing larger and larger.

November 5 2010. Sigh.

2009-10-25T16:54:00.004+08:00

Having men under your charge sure ain't easy. They talk back, move in a file, march like worms, make lots of noise and do all sorts of things to make your hair explode. I think getting effed by a random captain, notorious for crazy scolding sessions, just because of the men is just the first of many pains that i'll have to go through. Rawr.

My Sister's Keeper: A story about the struggles in a family as they try to keep a dying leukemic girl alive. Dilemmas abound, the ethics of using donor children and genetic modification, the loneliness of a single male child eclipsed by his 2 sisters (HMMMM...), the rights of one to euthanesia, flaws in the laws (heh), yadda yadda yadda. Amidst all these in a movie one should definitely watch before taking a GP examination, it's always death that drills the deepest.

The agony of losing a loved one. The uncertainty and mysteries shrouding the notion of death. Like, what would happen when you die? Would you really get sent to a heaven or a hell? Or is it just, The End, where everything is just pitch black and you don't even know that you're dead, with no trace of conciousness at all?

Death's really scary i think. The bus i was in collided into a car a few days ago, if the bus were a second faster the car would've collided into US. Luckily that wasn't the case, and there were no injuries at all. Then my friends and i went on to buy 4-D. HAHAHA! (it was my first time lol!)

Death is just death. Nobody understands it.

I sooo wanna watch (500) Days of Summer. But there's no one free. ):

Ah sigh. To put one foot in front of the other is a huge challenge.

I seriously have to share this:

HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A CUTER BIRTHDAY CAKE?!
Hahaha.

2009-10-18T20:44:00.001+08:00

I miss those days ):

2009-10-11T21:07:00.000+08:00

I'm getting pretty disillusioned about everything.

Rawr.

2009-09-27T10:10:00.002+08:00

I think i'm loving life alone at home (:

My parents just left last friday night for a holiday to South Korea. Damn! I sooooo wanna go. Sigh. I hate NS. ):
(Hope they have fun together without this pesky son of theirs though hahaha)

Being alone rocks alot though, preparing my own food, blasting music while singing along, hogging the television, doing everything on my own wahah! It's given me a greater sense of belonging to my home i think, i suddenly feel exceptionally responsible for its cleanliness and order. Household chores suddenly become alot more meaningful and easier to bring myself to do 'em. Heh heh.

Maybe i'll just live a bachelor's life forever, haha! Screw the opposite sex.

My big sis's family is visiting later, (family = husband + wife + son lol) hoping to see her little kid bro dying in the heaploads of rubbish and dirty laundry hahaha! But that ain't the case (: (hah i feel so proud) Gosh they ordered PIZZA. Crap crap crap, that erases the effort i put in for my run earlier in the morning WARGH. /: But i FINALLY lost weight YAYZXZX. Like really, FINALYYYYYYY. After abstaining from lots of rice, unhealthy food, working out more, YAYYYYYY. (: (: (:

But it's only ONE kg. ):

It's HELL DAY tomorrow. Sigh. I pray i'll come out alive after it. ):

2009-09-13T17:21:00.003+08:00

Everything seems more and more meaningless again, just like how it felt last time. Sigh.

Life's been pretty good in camp, hahaha. Apart from all the priveleges and slack scheduling for our induction programme, simply putting on three chevrons on your chest makes you walk with a certain aura, one that sends the men trembling in fear. Hahaha! (but whenever kitkat bars come along it becomes a different story) The last week however, is probably sadly gonna be the last of the good days. ):

Why do i have this bad feeling that taking law would not be much of a good idea anymore? I keep hearing stuff about a more liberalised legal sector in singapore, increased foreign competition, help for local law firms, and word that reading law in nus is freaking uber tough. ): I seriously fear that i wouldn't be capable enough to succeed in a world where the weak perish. I am so considering other courses to apply to. But what? Or maybe it's simply me thinking way too much again? Wargh. Sigh. ):

Been meeting vanessa pretty often these days, but it's time we all gotta treasure more now right. /: Thank goodness only a few people are going overseas to study, if not there'd be so many people to miss. Hahaha....

2009-08-30T13:22:00.002+08:00

Just passed out on thursday. Aching feet. Ridiculous tanlines. New rank. Great responsibilities. A fresh chapter unravels.

Scared? Sure i am. Very.

As usual, i can only hope for the best.

2009-08-16T18:12:00.001+08:00

The much feared, anxiously awaited, painfully gone through, OVER. (:

Let there be better days ahead, please?

2009-08-10T19:09:00.002+08:00

When someone you know, someone your age, someone you can probably relate to just leaves the world tragically like that, you cannot help but fear, with each second that ticks away after the other, that you will lose a friend like that anytime.

Anyways.

UP is awesome man. It's prolly one of the best movies EVER. Never dismiss it just because it's another animated disney production, its storyline is one of the most heartwarming ive seen. It made alot more sense in about one and a half hours than any of the long winded serials that last 4378287523541 hours my mom watches. I think. UP is based on the true meaning of love, not the snogging and sexual stuff that the media depicts it to be, but lasting companionship and integrity between a couple. No jawdropping visuals involved, but an endearing story worth more than a ticket's price.

(i'd be honest, my eyes moistened up at some parts of the show hahaha)

GO WATCH IT NOWWWWWW.

Final week of hell's coming up. I really hope that this week will pass quickly without much hiccups, after which life in the army will prolly become alot better.

Get me my balloons, please.

2009-07-26T11:08:00.002+08:00

My back hurts. Not the first time that this has happened, and it's definitely not a surprise given the nature of my vocation. Iron pickets, sledgehammers, jerrycans, BRIDGES. I thought i could just bear with it 3 weeks ago, i thought it would just go away like it always has. I thought wrong. Im super scared dammit.

I love my vocation man.

My mum just told me that theyd be going for a holiday to korea in september. ): ): ):

I WANNA GO TOOOOOO. )': )': )':

2009-07-19T10:53:00.003+08:00

Yet another week has passed. I swear that time has been accelerating under our noses, or maybe it's simply the fact that being occupied with stuff almost 24/7 just robs your brain of the conciousness of time.

Life in camp has become so monotonously predictable. Starting the day at 5am proceeding with hours of lectures and outfield, before ending the day just in time for bed is almost becoming a standard procedure. Then waking up again the next day feeling like you havent slept at all, as if the day before hasnt ended yet. Mindnumbing indeed. I hope it wouldnt be the same 5weeks down the road. At least we had a half day on friday, the army still knows that their men still need to be pampered with little exciting treats once in a while. But not before running 10km for it, which i cant believe i completed.

Visited OAC's ISAC for a little while yestersday at toa payoh, and it was a little nostalgic seeing those colour coded shirts gathering together. Sigh seeing some of the juniors just makes me miss school even more.

Caught the Half Blood Prince last night, and goodness, the deviation from the book was a little too much to bear. There was no climax to be found in the movie in my opinion, there were so many missing links in between i reckon non-readers of the books havent the foggiest of what was happening in the show. The commotion in the crowd when the credits started to flash summarized general sentiments i guess. And Artons having his face in his hand at that point. Cant believe how it got some positive reviews. Wont be a spoiler but id just say that Dumbledore didnt act gay. And the way girls hit on guys in the show was totally laughable, Kevin and I were laughing in total disbelief whenever any of the girls started salivating over Ronny or Potty. Luckily Kevin and I managed to catch the last train home if not its a hole in the wallet again.

Hate the way reality is warped like that. Or maybe its just me.

I cant understand. Or maybe i'll never be understood.

2009-06-28T16:37:00.004+08:00

Theres like nothing much to expect in life now. It all seems so repetitive, as though life is put on a never-ending looping track of mundane events.

Every week is like so frigging predictable, made up of basically 3 days, namely weekday, saturday and sunday. For some reason weekday is inexplicably long and painful. Then on weekends it's the usual 'HELLO's and 'BYE's which leads to weekday again. Argh.

Seriously, ive been wondering whats the purpose of life when we all have to die someday. Like, really, i doubt we are able to bring our memories along with us when we have breathed our last, we lose everything that made our existence enjoyable and meaningful. Not to mention the dozens of apocalyptic prophecies around, you would soon start to fear that death would come to you in the form of a horde of yellow sponges and pink starfishes that threaten to eat your brain in the next minute. Not looking positive, right?

Ah whatever.

Please pardon a shell's incongruent musings.

2009-06-06T21:48:00.002+08:00

This week passed by alot more quickly than i had expected. Luckily so.
With me doing guard duty for last saturday i have spent 12 consecutive nights till yesterday's in bunk at camp. Without sleeping in my nice comfy bed and grabbing my all mushed up bolster!!!!! ):

An agonising wait for yesterday, no doubt. And the same can be said for guard duty where you literally DO NOTHING. Okay, apart from standing around LOOKING important. Seriously, theres no better way to waste your weekend away than to do nothing but stone for 24 hours. Yes, i admit that i stone all the time. BUT NOT FOR TWENTY FOUR FRIGGING HOURS. It pretty much capped off a sad sad week. (damn barca)

As of now, i have red spots all over my body. No idea how i got them, but they're prolly related to something we did outfield since a quite a number of others got it as well. But no one else got it worse than i did. /: My forearms, my thighs, the back of my hand, my tummy, my BUTT. It got so itchy that even my usual refrainfromscratchingmosquitobite-self couldnt stop scratching them at one point, crying for help. Hahaha. The medical officer in camp didnt know what in the world they were, judging from his total silence while fiddling with the keyboard. The doc at the clinic said they were sandfly bites. But heck, ive been bitten by sandflies enough to tell that they're not. Oh wells. As long as they're gone soon.

They're better now i think, but i dont even dare step out of my house lest i get weird stares from others accompanied with a 10m radius of desolation around me.

Life in camp really sucks, with so much to learn, so many hours to tolerate in a boring learning environment, so many efforts to keep myself from dozing off, so many tests to take, so many tests to retake WARGH. The only redemption was the feeling of real explosives going BOOM not so far away from you. The shockwaves literally blow you away.

It's really sad how when i meet up with ANYONE the guys will have nothing to talk about to each other apart from army stuff. It just shows how our lives have changed under the green pieces of cloth we don daily. Heck, even my blog posts are all about army life. Sigh.

Sigh i miss school alot alot. I miss civilian life alot alot.

2009-05-29T20:59:00.000+08:00

Combat engineers.

What in the world, man. What in the world.

2009-05-24T20:29:00.003+08:00

I cannot believe anyone would want to steal my pair of old, totally worn out slippers. Oh wells, the perpetually naive me has lost his second pair of slippers and now i have no more flipflops to wear out. Burn in hell man, burn in hell. Whoever you are who's stealing my slippers, i hope you suffocate in your house which is probably littered with hundreds of footwear you've snatched from others. Now i have no idea what to wear out of house, thanks alot for the inconveniece.

It's the end of another week wargh. I have no idea what im going to find myself facing as a field engineer. According to many, theres nothing nice to expect there. Wheee.

Im soooo gonna have fun. /:

2009-05-20T20:52:00.002+08:00

I feel so old wargh. /:

Sigh what's the point of having block leave when everyone's either busy or happily serving national service? It's a total waste of leave and now im left with almost nothing for the second half of the year.

Thanks alot, SAF. (sarcastically for the organisation we dedicate almost 2 years of our lives for, sincerely for a certain red-faced scot who makes being a man utd fan really enjoyable)

Oh wells. At least the weekends are coming! The fun begins tomorrowwww (: (: (:

EXCITINGZXZX.

2009-05-16T11:21:00.003+08:00

THANK YOU WOMEN!

jasmine, stevie, vanessa (:

To think that you all actually called my parents to plan this surprise hahaha (:

I had originally thought something was amiss when my mum asked me if any of my friends called me in camp but i guessed that it was just me thinking too much again. Guess it wasnt! (thanks mum hahaha)

I was totally going to doze off on my bed already after dinner when the bell rang and weirdly my mum told me to go take a look outside the gate. With my eyes half closed i dragged myself to the gate and peered over with a slight fear of seeing a bomb there or something (im serious). But instead i saw a cake box with a candle stuck into the box. Instead of the cake. Hahahaha!

So it took me some time to register what was going on before i picked up the box and went on downstairs (with help from mum for my clueless mind) to find 3 giggling girls on the floor one below. I bet they were laughing more at my unglam home clothes alot more than my retardedness in not realising what was going on hahaha. So yay, went home together, blew the candle, got probably the MOST UNGLAM PICTURE of me EVER taken (jasmine you need to hand me your handphone asap) and ate the cake. I promise its not lemon, it's cheese. But it still tastes great nonetheless (:

Then i propped up my eyelids with toothpicks and went to causeway point to watch jasmine and stevie have dinner. While vanessa went home to make it a 100 percent record for someone to leave halfway no matter where we go. Hahahaha!

Thanks alot people, for the nice surprise (:
It's great knowing that ive nice people like you all around (:

Graduated from sispec! And we've a week off to enjoy. YAY. But seriously, if we were made to resume work right after a crazily rushed, fast paced 30km march (its prolly more given we detoured twice) i would really have needed a wheelchair to get around. I shall not even describe how i looked like walking out from camp yesterday hahahaha.

Im going to be a FIELD ENGINEER now. If a field and combat mean the same thing.... i guess im in for a rough time /: But it will be the same thing my father was doing years ago hahaha. Thats pretty cool i guess. But its alittle saddening though. The time spent together as a section in a bunk was only sufficient to know each other. From the first week of silence to the last week of noise and craziness in the bunk. But like in tekong, its time to move on once again when we reach that kind of bonding. /:

Oh wells. At least ive got to enjoy civilian life next week. Lucky me that it's next week. (:

2009-05-10T13:54:00.002+08:00

I am like super super pissed off.

I was forced to shave my hair like almost bald yet again, after managing to grow it to a length where it was GELLABLE to some sorta beckham-like mohawk. Thats not really the annoying part, but the fact that those who went to get the haircut later were allowed to choose not to get shaved like me, but just shortened reasonably. ANGRY. I was so upset for like almost 2 days after that. Now i look just like a freaking recruit once more. Wargh back to the caps.

I went to a bar/pub/whatever for the first time in my close to 19 years of life with waikit, stevie and vanessa. Sorry guys for being too stony hahaha. I was really REALLY tired and i guess alcohol really lives up to its name of being a DEPRESSANT. It depresses you. Hahahahaha.... But seriously, i didnt feel a single tinge of happiness or carefreeness at all? Ok guess its just the lack of sleep tsk. But it was pretty amusing to see how waikit turned into a tomato like pronto after taking a sip of his drink. Hahahaha...

I got accepted into law at nus! Pretty amazing, seriously. After all the rubbish spewed at the interview i guess my written test saved my butt big time. Im really glad that im gonna have schoolmates im close to in there. I hope itd be a real great experience studying there yay.

My life's been almost like a fairytale so far. After shedding tears for screwing up big time for PSLE i owned cambridge's butt not once, but twice and now ive got a place in nus law. But obviously life's so much more than just academic achievements...

Passing out from bslc this friday with a -GULP- 28km route march standing in my way.

Wish me luck. /:

2009-04-26T10:42:00.002+08:00

Im so proud of myself wahaha. (: (:

I finally got silver for my ippt with those dumb 8 pullups.
NO MORE STAYING BACK FOR SATURDAY TRAININGS WAHAHAHAHA.
Now just 2 more pullups to go for a gold. (:

I passed the tougher obstacle course in sispec when i couldnt do so back in tekong. Hahaha. I amuse myself sometimes. (:
(Actually i self-amuse all the time but oh wells)

I miss school alot alot sigh.
I so wanna go back to study in school.
I so wanna go back to tc16 and have hilarious lessons with the guys in occupying the back row all the time.
I so wanna go back to the canteen and have uber long talk cock sessions.
I so wanna go back to the basketball courts for noobish games with the rest.
I so wanna go back to the lecture theatres and play bluetooth handphone games.
I so wanna go back to doing all kinds of tough or ridiculous things all the way till the school turns dark.

Some time this past week after coming back from night training on a bus we almost took a left turn on dunearn road towards nj. However hard i tried to mind control the driver to turn left it was for naught as we went in the other direction. And it was the route 961 takes when i go home from school. I emo-ed of course, while trying to imagine myself in school uniform going home after a long day at school. But alas, it wasnt the familiar gray on me, it was a horrendously bright shade of green i donned at that time, all sweaty and smelly, with a dangerous weapon in my hands. /:

Oh wells. At least i have friday nights to look forward to, i'd have an extra night at home from now onwards. (:

Now i just really really hope that thered be a few days off right after this current course ends. Then itd be a great cause for joy.

2009-04-19T12:55:00.002+08:00

Just came back from the law admissions test. It's pretty annoying when the questions are pretty vague and phrased in such a way that you dont really know what they want for answers. I didnt bother clarifying though, i hope that as long as your answer shows some signs of intelligence in you it doesnt matter if youre answering the question or not. Hahaha.

The law interview was horrible. I expected things like....
'Why choose law?'
'Why should we pick you for law?'
'Do we look good?'

Okay, not the last one, but stuff like that and alittle current affairs. But all i got was just ONE question (apart from asking where i was in the army now) which was about people these days posting stuff online about others then causing harm and what not.

Sounds good huh. I think back of the times i got prompted, the guy interviewer giving me that whatintheworldareyoutalkingabout look, myself trying to sound as smart as i could amidst my prolonged periods of thinking and hemming.

Oh wells. I dont know if i should accept the business offer from ntu should my quest for law fails pathetically.

On a random note, im beginning to like SOC quite alot. Cause im suddenly getting really good at it wahaha. Surprisingly so. But IPPT's another matter. Im like some freaking weakling who has been stuck at 6 dumb pullups for so long even after doing regular training. I dont want freaking RT for my entire sispec life, dammit!

I seriously need new songs in my playlist. My favourite songs have been unchanged for an uber uber long time already wargh.

I wanna go overseas )':

2009-03-29T19:34:00.002+08:00

As i type here im gonna set off for camp in about 20minutes. Sigh.

Life in SISPEC so far i think is alot better than in tekong, especially with the greater respect and freedom that you get there. But we've only gone through the first week, so its pretty hard to say now i guess. But whatever lar, the weekdays away from home really hurts quite alot sometimes the same way.

1 year 7 months to ORD. Sigh.

2009-03-22T19:50:00.002+08:00

And block leave ends just like that.

It feels like enlistment day all over again. After almost 2 weeks of freedom away from a mundane regimental life, we are once more called upon to prepare to defend our nation. Hahahaha. I feel so noble.

But i think it wouldnt be the same like going to tekong for the first time. I guess we're kinda used to such an army life already. Im gonna follow in my father's footsteps as a specialist! Hahaha, like father like son huh. I guess id have to count myself really lucky to have gotten into sispec, especially since ive already expected myself to not make the cut for ocs. I hope id do alot better in there, cause i think i totally failed in alot of aspects in tekong. I hope id have a great time and have great experiences in there.

Im so gonna miss a proper civilian life again. And i already miss going overseas ALOT ALOT. (ubin or tekong doesnt count okay. those are prolly overrivers only. okay lame whatever.) Especially sitting on an airplane. Sigh sigh. I remember how i was SO HAPPY during my dream of me sitting on an airplane going to somewhere.

Oh wells, here we go again.

And man u had better still be on the top of the table the next time i book out.

2009-03-13T21:09:00.003+08:00

So many things have happened these past 7 days.... but it has been mostly smile-inducing, i guess (:

My A level results were totally WHAT IN THE WORLD. Like, i seriously seriously feel that i do not deserve it. Especially econs. How do you do well for econs when you havent been listening to lectures and tutorials since the new teacher came in, and when the paper was so ridiculously tough?! Oh wells, next time, if anyone feels that youve really screwed the paper up big time, all hope is not lost yet, seriously. Im a living example (:

Im really glad that ive achieved something my parents can be proud of.

But now it gets all rough again. Applications to courses and scholarships to which i have almost no idea how to go about doing. And talking to a certain person online while she's skiving at work didnt help much; now there are possibly referrals and personal statements to do up. Sigh. I havent the foggiest of what i have to do, and it doesnt help that im impossibly lazy. Argh. I hope i dont screw myself up by screwing up the applications. /:

The graduation 24km route march and passing out parade! Really memorable. And freaking tough, goodness. I cant believe we all walked for 7 hours with only few breaks in between. I thought i was going to die for the last 6 kilometres or so during the march. Not kidding at all. My head started feeling dull, there was like an oven baking inside of me, my shoulders threatened to cave in, my nose was on the verge of running away back to the ferry terminal. But i told myself that i wasnt going to give up. I wasnt going to fall out. I thought everyone was joking when they said we reached the end. But we really did. Yay.

Then it was straight to the parade. It's really quite an experience to be part of a real parade, with thousands of eyes watching you. And it didnt quite help that my field pack couldnt stand straight, my helmet was super super loose and tilted to one side, and that i forgot to button up the last button on my pants. I had been wondering why my pants have been so loose and it was A LITTLE too late by the time i realised it on the parade square. So before my company's march past, during the turning where we were away from most scrutinising eyes, i totally pulled my pants up while marching. I heaved a sigh of relieve, but my pants continued to drop back to their original position.

Nothing was exposed though. Hahahahaha.

It's gonna be prolly goodbye to the island we called home for the last 2 months.

Now we have a 2 week block leave! And HELL YEAH am i enjoying civilian life. No waking up at 5am, no monotony of in-camp life! But sadly it ends in alittle more than a week. Sigh.

For now, i just hope that i can meet up with everyone i miss while preparing for the next phase of my army life....

2009-03-01T13:44:00.002+08:00

Im finally back here again. Hahaha. I finally mustered enough energy to revive my almost dead blog. I seriously wonder if anyone still comes over here to run into cobwebs.

As usual, time is eating away at our lives at insane speeds. Just 10 more days to P.O.P.

And im being worried about so many things once again.

Whether or not id be able to enter command school.

Coughing since day one of enlistment.

Missing so many friends that i havent seen in a super super long while.

What university course i should apply for.

Yadda yadda yadda.

A level results.

Sigh. When can we ever escape from stress? I keep thinking about my future and i really fear for myself..... i dont wanna let my family suffer for being with me. And obviously i myself dont wanna suffer.

I guess i can only pray hard......

2009-01-23T14:19:00.004+08:00

After about 2 and a half weeks of crap on some lame island, im finally back home.

Seriously, like FINALLY.

Being bald sucks. We actually shaved TWICE already.

It's just really tiring and sian all the time in there, when we barely get 6 hours of sleep per day and are unable to recover from the physical training that we get daily. When it got to the last few days, even standing up from sitting on the floor became a major chore. With the dark rings around my eyes now, im not quite sure if its just the lack of sleep or my failure to properly remove camouflage cream from my face. (Anyway having camou cream on our faces and finding lots and lots of vegetation to stuff into our vests and uniforms was freaking hilarious. even though we were punished nonetheless later and i ended up with cuts all over)

How i get time to pass by faster? I look forward to every single meal. (even though its usually nothing nice) It works, really. Just a pity meal times are measly short.

It really sucks that being in there really isolates us from the rest of the world. No access to news of any kind. Newspapers are present, but theres like only one copy for the entire company. Which is really ridiculous. So no soccer or basketball scores for me. Except for Man U owning Chelsea 3-0. That kind of news seems to reach everyone's ears no matter where they are. Hahahaha.

I almost died too without proper music in there for so long. All the music we could hear was for the daily bugle recordings for flag raising and lowering and lunch. And songs sung by people like us when marching around which i wouldnt put into my mp3 list.

I guess im pretty lucky once again to get pretty cool bunk mates. Kinda people i can relate to, people i can mix around with. But whether they'll be as awesome as the PDA i have yet to see. I doubt they'll be, though - the PDA is the epitome of fun and insanity. It's quite a great feeling to see some familiar faces here and there, from nj and swiss cottage. You feel that at least you are not alone in this new crap environment.

Being able to see the control tower of changi airport from where we were in tekong brought lots of emotions to me and probably many around as well. It gave the "so close yet so far" feeling, "why in the world am i here", yadda yadda. With planes flying over your head every few minutes or so, you really admire those sitting on the plane, wishing that you could be the one sitting there instead of watching helplessly from the ground.

Being in NPCC really helped alot i guess. When punishments and trainings were given, some complained about lack of humanity and whined all around. But i guess i totally expected it already and was kinda used to it. So yay. Knots and lashings, drills, campcraft yadda yadda, all i have experience in already. So its kinda a breeze for me when it comes to such things.

Oh yeah. Shooting the SAR21 was seriously cool. Even though i kinda sucked in it. I totally screwed up the day shoot, but i missed only one at night. Heh heh heh. So i still hope i can get my marksmanship. We get to use the laser aiming thingy at night, which is freaking cool. And we have bullets that give off light when the target is hit! Uber uber coolness.

Booking in on tuesday afternoon, the SECOND DAY OF CHINESE NEW YEAR. And i wouldnt be back till valentine's weekend. Which is super super super long. Sigh. It's really saddening that i cant spend time with my family and friends even during this festive period, i can only be home for 1 and a half days for chinese new year. Even for tomorrow, i already have clashes of dates with family and friends. Need more time dammit. For now i just wish these few days would crawl by really really slowly. I dont wanna go back in for a long long time.

2009-01-05T18:51:00.005+08:00

And so it's finally my turn. After contemplating about it for the first time like years ago, hearing of cousins and neighbours going there, seeing friends entering that island.

Sigh.

Im seriously not afraid of the hardships or whatever rubbish that can be placed upon us there. I can screw up big time, i can lack the ability to accomplish certain tasks, but what else can be done to me other than more physical training? I'll just bear with it, really. I dont even care if i have to do 1000 pushups a day. (unless the punishment is more CONFINEMENT. damn i'll kill the sergeant.)

Just let me go home and see my family and friends. /:

I have almost 3 weeks in there before i get to go home, like on the weekend right before chinese new year. That's pretty long.... I guess i can create the right mentality within myself by telling myself that it will just be like any npcc camp, just that it will be ALOT ALOT LONGER. But i dont think it can be any tougher. I recall how during one camp, we slept at 3am. We then had 2 or 3 fire drills before waking up at 5.30am for PT. Throughout the entire camp, i reckon we spent more time running around or in pushup position than standing still or sitting down. We even held on in pushup position on the parade square in the scorching afternoon sun, ending up with burnt hands. Hahahaha. Yay for NP.

But i guess that this marks a real beginning to the inevitable distancing of friends from one another. Meeting up will be quite hard, especially with prolly only half a weekend available to us each week out of camp after this 2 weekends of confinement. There'll be new friendships made with my platoon mates (whom i hope are as cool and crazy as all my friends now hahaha) but sigh. Just call me a sucker for the past and nostalgia. Especially with an awesome jc class.

Im so gonna miss everyone all the time. But i wonder if the ones i think of will think of me as well. I guess prolly not as usual. Hahaha. I hope i can gain strength from the friends and family that im going to contact every night. /:

Im kinda worried about my parents actually /: I fear that they will worry too much about me. They're not getting any younger, I fear that they may need my help or care in some way or another when im gone. I just hope that these 2 years (alittle lesser actually) will be a smooth one for my family, then when im out i can do all i can to help out.

Well, this is it i guess. After all the gatherings with friends, all the goodbyes, all the handshakes. All the emoing, all the fear of being on the edge of tears.

Im gonna lose my hair.

Okay, that isnt the main point, but it SUCKS. (to all those who find that they have ugly-just-cut hair now i promise that you all dont.)

This is really it then. Goodbye to the social world, goodbye to sleeping in my comfy bed, goodbye to my brains, goodbye to my hair, goodbye to all my games and tv shows, goodbye to basketball, goodbye to my friends, goodbye to my family.

Im gonna miss all of you ):

They can change how i look and deal with situations, but they will not change who i am inside.

Till im out for chinese new year!

2009-01-03T18:07:00.001+08:00

Sigh.

Three more days. And, one by one, im saying goodbye to different groups of friends. ):

This feeling really sucks.

2009-01-01T00:01:00.001+08:00

How time flies. As of now, theres only 14 minutes left in 2008.

Sigh, i reminisce how a year back, everyone was super super busy preparing for orientation. Dance practices especially. Then being really excited for school to open again, to see the juniors and finally become an ogl. OGLing was really GREAT GREAT FUN omg i miss it alot. And now. Im waiting to be imprisoned on some remote island off the coast of singapore.

2008 has been a really eventful year. Smiles, frowns, laughter, (almost) tears yadda yadda. I think 2008 really changed me alot. I dunno how so exactly though. I just feel..... different /:

Everyone should be out having fun now, partying, hanging out with friends, doing meaningful things. All to usher in the new year. While im here as usual in front of my computer amusing myself. Hahahah quite loserish, but i did the same thing exactly one year ago. On the 31st of december 2007. Oh wells. Perhaps i should spend alot more time at home before i start missing it and my parents too much soon. /: I dunno what in the world am i typing now. Maybe the thought of yet another year passing by like that compelled me to just type some gibberish here.

I always wonder. What would happen like 10 years in the future. Or 20. Or 50. Will i have a stable job? Will i have a family of my own? Will i even still be alive then? Sigh. Now that 18 years have gone by just like that, it will only take the same few grains of sand to fall to the bottom of the hourglass. And then it'll be 36 years. Oh dear, 36 years old sounds pretty old. /:

If only this hourglass could be flipped like normal ones.

Wow now im hearing lots of fireworks from all around. But according to the comp clock theres like 2 minutes to 2009. I think im just trying to kill time here till it gets to the new year. Hahaha /:

I guess this new year will be a totally different year from anything ive ever experienced. I hope that everything would go well luh, amidst all the setbacks that i'll probably face.

(I CAN SEE FIREWORKS FROM JB FROM MY HOUSE)

Happy new year!

Please let it be happy for us all.

2008-12-27T23:54:00.004+08:00

These few days have been a blast (:

Countless christmas parties and gatherings. Charades. Food. Gift exchange. Cards. Xbox. BBQ. Dunking and chasing people into pools. Basketball. Swimming. Arcade. Movies. Chit chatting. Long MRT rides. Going home late. Reaching home earlier than friends for the first time. Still waking up early. Walking around aimlessly. Laughing like idiots.

Family and Friends (:

I wish this would never ever end.

But sadly, the end is near.

轨迹

2008-12-23T00:32:00.004+08:00

我会发着呆

然后忘记你

接着紧紧闭上眼

想着那一天

会有人代替

让我不再想念你

这并不容易，

但是我可能已经习惯了吧。

2008-12-15T19:27:00.003+08:00

I WOKE UP AT 8 SOMETHING AM TODAY. EIGHT S-O-M-E-T-H-I-N-G. HAHAHAHAHA.

HAHAHAHAHA.

HAHAHAHAHAHA.

Anyways, yay. I really think i can swim properly already. Hahahahah no more worries about staying back for WATER CONFIDENCE courses in tekong.

Plus shocking revelations from stevie's scandalous egypt holiday and watching waikit shivering his teeth loose in the pool learning how to swim. And the lousy condo swimming pool that has STUPID STONES at the sides that leave my hands all cut up and bloodied. And now im typing awkwardly while shrieking in pain occasionally.

Can i dont go for NS, pretty please? ):

Can i wake up at 9am tomorrow morning? Hee hee heeeeee.

2008-12-14T16:13:00.003+08:00

I WOKE UP AT 8AM TODAY. EIGHT. A. M.

HAHAHAHA (:

Cycling at ECP with the class rocked. Mainly cause there was NO RAIN. YAY.

But yeah, cycling always rocks. Especially when cycling super super close to changi airport! Planes flying sooo low when landing over your head, listening to the roar of the engines, and visualising yourself in that plane at that very moment. I SUPER wanna go overseas luh. Not like pulau ubin or tekong. My family was SUPPOSED to go to KOREA. But.... oh wells. ):

When a few of us guys were cycling on the path parallel to the takeoff runways, daniel and I kept trying to race the planes taking off. HAHAHAHA. So yeah, we get 0.1 second leads over the planes in return for major aching thighs. How smart. And delusional. But fun. (:

Then pool with the class, and LAN with the guys only. Obviously i suck and got owned all the time playing LAN.

All these going out is totally making me BROKE. My wallet CRIES FOR MERCY whenever i pinch a note out from it. Sigh. Food, movies, pooling, argh. Especially when going out with a certain guy who has to spend every single cent in his wallet. Tsk tsk tsk.

I seriously have no idea how anyone can stand watching barney videos non-stop for hours.

Anyways.

DID I MENTION THAT I WOKE UP AT 8AM TODAY? E-I-G-H-T. HAHAHAHAAHAHA.

2008-12-11T20:18:00.002+08:00

Time is really really whizzing past super quickly now. It's LESS THAN A MONTH TILL MY VACATION IN TEKONG. ):

But at least. Im kinda enjoying the free time that i have now i guess. (at least when ive nothing to do and stoning at home)

OAC seniors' farewell. Would have been so much so much funner without the stupid rain. And i laugh in pride of sorts when 4 guys are try but are unable to toss me into the sea. Avoiding claire for her birthday was sort of funny, but REALLY REALLY MEAN. I couldnt bear to just ignore her, i ended up just nodding and stuff. Hahaha! We watched BOLT at night! It's a quite a nice show, with comedy (RHINOOOOOOOO) and emoments as well. Oh and the dog bolt is really really really cute. I wish i had a puppy like that. Just larger so that it's more huggable.

I was supposed to swim with pda, but i was kinda bushed from the previous day, and i had really dumb cuts on my toe that make me walk like a dingdong. Oh wells, at least i think i totally remembered how to swim from the last session with nicgoh and zac already. Stupid hydrophobia.

Soccer with E6 guys at ACSI of all places. ( coughcoughjasminecoughcough ) Abit dumb, i was placed on the same side as some sec2 ACSI kids and they never ever passed the ball to me. So i just stood at a spot on the field and enjoyed the sun. But at least i experienced playing bridge at the mrt station. Hahahaha. And got to see timothy and ramandeep before they enter tekong today and tomorrow respectively. Sigh.

Shopping then basketball with my balling dudes! I didnt know the food court at the taka basement had baked rice. So i tried. And realised that they never keep it in the oven long enough to at least make the stuff BROWN. So everything came out still BEIGE-Y and kinda WATERY. So not very nice. Sigh. I bought a new baggggg. After months and months of wanting a new one. And less than a month to NS. How smart. Then it RAINED LIKE SIAO. (hopefully tomorrow wont rain as a result) So we went to CCKCC to play ball where it's sheltered. We were afraid of getting owned like little kids there, but not bad luh! Hahahaha. Can win here and there, and im swatting shots away alot alot more than ever. Coolzxzx.

Class outing at ECP tomorrow! PLEASE DONT RAIN PLEASE DONT RAIN PLEASE PLEASEEEE. Gosh. Im gonna glue my fingers and toes so that they remain crossed till when we meet tomorrow. Please let one of the few things ive actually done for the class succeed. Please please pleaseeeeee.

Random, but my windows live messenger makes me sad when it stopped letting me play minesweeper flags when i could in the past. Lousy microsoft.

This is what you do when you're bored

2008-12-05T21:44:00.001+08:00

2008-12-03T14:57:00.003+08:00

Love. What?

Love. Who?

Love. When?

Love. Where?

Love.

How?

Hahaha. Five absolutely mind boggling questions to which answers are perhaps lost behind words we could never find.

Relax la, kevin dude. It's absolutely normal, i can empathise with you 100 percent. When it all seems to be lost, just emo for a day or two, and move along, hope for better days ahead.

Check this song out if you can (or if you are even reading this, or for anyone else in the same boat for that matter) (:

Move Along. The All-American Rejects.

Go ahead and waste your days with thinking
When you fall everyone stands
Another day and you've had your fill of sinking
With the life held in your
Hands are shaking cold
These hands are meant to hold

Speak to me, when all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know ya do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through
Move along
Move along

So a day when you've lost yourself completely
Could be a night when your life ends
Such a heart that will lead you to deceiving
All the pain held in your
Hands are shaking cold
Your hands are mine to hold

Speak to me, when all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through
Move along

(Go on, go on, go on, go on)
When everything is wrong, we move along
(Go on, go on, go on, go on)
When everything is wrong, we move along
Along, along, along

When all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do.
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along

Just to make through
When all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do.
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through

Move along
Right back what is wrong
We move along

2008-12-02T22:19:00.007+08:00

PROM DAY. Omg super super cool, and a huge cocktail of emotions as well. /:

In the morning us lame guys met up to buy dumb toy swords for the night later. Hahahah. All the way to SUNTEC CITY. The time i spent travelling in all was more than the time i spent there. How smart huh.

Then later i shared a cab with mun to swissotel. We met up with the rest, and. Well. We made complete jokes of ourselves as usual lor. Hahahaha. Sword fights here and there, poking people here and there, making our presence felt to all. Hahahaha. And zac has this super cool toygun instead. Lol.

CAN I SAY THAT I WAS THRILLED TO SEE NEXCARE ACNE PATCHES IN THE GOODIE BAG. (those with flawless skin can kindly donate them to meee)

(: (: (:

Overall. I think the food wasnt that great, seriously. The soup was so freaking spicy (i was thinking of shark's fin soup instead hahahaha) especially. But sitting with the girls on the same table is quite funny. Everyone's like trying to get food for one another all the time, then like

"EHHH. I DONT EAT OCTOPUS."

"I DONT CAREEEEEEE."

Yeah, you get it huh. Hahahah.

FOR PEOPLE WONDERING HOW IN THE WORLD I GOT NOMINATED FOR PROM KING:

I think almost no one knew that they could nominate prom king and queen. At the reception some grad night IC came to us for nominations, so my guy pals sent in FIVE entries for me. (dont ask me why either) So apparently, FIVE entries are sufficient for undisputed nomination for prom king. Hahahaha. Id assure you all, if the grad night committee made sure that everyone knew about this, i WOULDNT be nominated okay. Anyway i didnt win luh, so its okay. Hahahah.

I think our class guys are super super well represented. Nic goh was the leader of our side of the ballroom, zac performed onstage, marvin won some lucky draw prize, daniel won the FIRST PRIZE, aaron answered a question, and erm..... I was... ahh yeah, you know. Hahahah super super cooool.

Lots of picture taking man. But i shall only post a few, if not i'd have to wait till next week to turn off my computer.

FUNNY PIC:

GOODNESS: (stolen from waikit's blog. hahaha)

And the girls were SUPER SUPER NICE to have given us these boards with letters written by each of them la.....

Dont worry, we've done something for you all already too. (:

Lots of mad napkin twirling over the head, screaming, shouting, singing, jumping, running, hahahahaha. (: (:

After prom, which was like. 11 plus to 12? We all took our stuff to change..... AT THE STAIRCASE close to the girls' room. Hahahahah. We all changed into the CLASS TEE. Very very cute shirt. Hahahah.

(we all look weird cause for some reason we need amusement at Mc's and we needed sleep. Hahahaha)

We walked around the area till about 4am or something. Hahahah so funnnnn. Clarke quay, fullerton, esplanade. Stoning, playing cards, bitching (HAHAHA), singing, mass dancing, walk-in-ing (lol). At least they're HEALTHY ACTIVITIES compared to boozing and getting all drunk, right? HAHAHAH. Spending time with the class is, and will be forever great. (:

Then we lugged our zombielike bodies back to the room at swissotel. While the girls were busy undoing their elaborate hairstyles, some of us slept, some just stoned. And gosh, the view from the 56th floor is AWESOME. The breeze is like NEVER ENDING also. It's like colder OUTSIDE than inside. (: (: (:

THE (SUPER MESSY AND DIRTY) ROOM

So i spent most of my time at the tiny balcony enjoying the view and the breeze. While talking to nic goh, daniel, then kevin. All the way till darkness turned to light. Hahahaha. None of us really got to sleep actually, apart from wendy and prolly zac.

The original 3 idiots who are involved in almost every single thing that we do.

This is how zac slept.

It was really super super hilarious, especially with nic goh and kevin taking pictures of him in this state as if they were some CSI people. But really, zac looks like he got murdered and his body was dumped in some corner la. Hahahahaha.

Then breakfast at raffles' place's toastbox with nic goh, kevin, zac, vanessa, wendy and wanching. When everyone left super early already at like 6plus to 7 plus. Where kevin had a really unfortunate incident and he got hilariously emo about it. Hahahaha, lack of sleep la, huh.

We went back and actually got to watch some intriguing movie before going home. And i slept for 4 hours when i reached home. And im really tired now too. I really really wish that i can wake up at 12pm when i sleep at night.

I cant believe that, as im blogging now, it has been one day since prom ended. ): It's the end of our JC life, our short short 2 years in NJ. I think about my luck in ending up in such a GREAT class, and crap. I get pretty emotional about it. I wouldnt have been able to survive life in nj without s23. I wish that we can meet up alot alot more! Sigh.

Prom has been such a blast, a great experience.

07s23 <3

2008-11-28T13:03:00.002+08:00

Phew, i finally get to slack a whole day at home. It's been quite tiring actually, going out daily and returning home only when the stars have come out. But at least it has been great fun. Hahaha...

The funnest is like, the day out at jurong swimming complex (apart from me drinking so much water all the time when trying to remember how to swim. dont ask me how). The slides and the lazy river were all SUPER SUPER FUN la. Seriously. Especially the slides. Us huge guys would climb up the freaking long flights of steps lugging even huger floats that make us look sissy before queueing up in great anticipation, before screaming utter nonsense while travelling inside the slides. Super super fun. I screamed till my throat got all itchy at night. Hahahaha. The lazy river, we hid inside the cave where it was SUPER SUPER MISTY (you couldnt see more than 1 metre away) and we just flipped over little kids' floats or just made them feel like they were on the wheel of fortune. Super super hilarious. Then we just talked cock in the jacuzzi and we all ended up with barbecued skin.

It's SUPER SUPER PAINFUL. When i reached home at night i was like. Screaming like siao. When i lied down to sleep, i COULDNT MOVE if not id be screaming too. Lol. Then the next day out i had to move like a dumb robot. At least. It's quite better now. I just dont wanna peel too much. /:

Prom is a major headache la, dammit. Walk here walk there, walk everywhere also cannot really find appropriate clothing. Then shops closing for renovations in the middle of nowhere, quite ridiculous. Then with stevie scrutinising almost every single person that walks past us and then bitching to waikit, with me by the side barely able to hear. Tsk. Argh, i just dont wanna turn up for prom underdressed. /:

Just alittle over a month to NS. ):

2008-11-23T23:46:00.003+08:00

There are so many things that i want to put here, so many things that i need an avenue to flush out of my mind, but argh. What's the real purpose of a blog anyway?

Oh the irony, dammit.

2008-11-21T10:00:00.003+08:00

A's are like finally over. Wheeeeee...

A tad bit ironic, perhaps, that we wait so long excruciatingly for it to come and go, but then, it ends blindingly fast, and we lament how we should have done better, not have been so careless, studied this more, yadda yadda. (Or maybe its just me) Ah what the heck.

It's just this dumb stupid anticlimatic feeling right after physics paper 1, i didnt quite feel the euphoria that quite a few around me were feeling. Dunno, maybe all the studying and troubling numbed up my mind. But at least waking up daily knowing that you dont have to touch a single piece of paper or book really rocks my socks.

Then it was badminton with ALMOST the whole class. Pretty cool, a great great way to get the class together and have fun. And it was pretty new to see MARVIN sweating it out in SCHOOL UNIFORM. Hahahah. (and wendy gushing over marvin, being his one-girl cheerleading squad)

Then lunch, then LAN. Playing DOTA was hilarious as usual. I was like:

"OH SHIT. KAIZHONGGGGG WHAT DO I DOOOOOOO!"

"AHHHHH. I DONT WANNA DIE. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE."

"WAH. AARON AND KEVIN ARE COMING. RUUUUUUUUUUUUN."

Hahahaha. Sorry luh, too noob already. /:

The next day at sentosa kinda sucked really hard. (Lemme see, its the 24883rd time we've been there. Okay, count the number of major exams we've had and we've been to sentosa as a class the same number of times. Lol.) Just rain, rain, rain, rain, more rain. Oh and lightning and thunder. And rain. Piang la. Couldnt even get a tan. Then stupid things all over again, featuring (as usual and inexcludable) nic goh. Can we not go there ever again? It's BORING.

Celebrated steveh's birthday yesterdayyyy. (HAPPY BELATED 18TH BIRTHDAY STEVIE.) It felt really great to just slack in the couches in the restaurant (is it even a restaurant?!) and laze around for almost the whole afternoon, playing stuff like SPONGEBOB MONOPOLY (BAH HYA HYA HYA HYA) which was in such a bad condition that even the toilet paper i use looks alot more presentable that the money notes and patrick looked like he just visited the house of wax. And squidward went for a nosejob.

Heard SOMEONE got soooooo0 drunk sometime after that, she got UNCONCIOUS?! Drinking vodka like WATER. LOOOOOOL. 8 glasses a night, is it. TSK. Hope the hangover doesnt suck. (Though it prolly does. Hahahaa.)

I think ive spent like FIFTY BUCKS on food these few days man. Gosh. And ive had mushroom soup for 3 consecutive days. I seriously think that restaurants need to think of something other than mushroom soup for their offers. Shark's fin soup is fine with me.

Theres nothing on today! Sadly. So i get to stare blankly at my ceiling and wonder about life. Hahahaha.

There's so many things that i wanna do! Like going for cycling (both day and night), staying overnight in school, visiting nic goh's mansion (hahahaha), learning to play the guitar, play pool, prepare for NS, etc etc etc etc. Aiyur, but all no time la.

Oh wait, screw preparing for NS. Lol.

Resign to fate luh. Everything's preordained. /:

2008-11-16T21:46:00.002+08:00

My dad's bro and sis-in-law (uncle and aunt right?) just left after visiting.

Just before they left:

Aunt: "Are the exams hard?"

Me: "Super super hard lor"

Aunt: "Aiya, to you, no kick la."

I could only smile and shake my head.

I should have gotten some shitty score for the Os in the first place.

Now i dunno what will happen when we get back the results. I think i can just set up a tent next to the singapore river and stay there.

Oh wait. Why bother when theres already lots of them in tekong.

Hahahaha..... stupid me.

2008-11-14T19:42:00.002+08:00

Thank you, Cambridge, for screwing me up big time these 2 weeks.

Thank you, Mervyn, for screwing yourself up big time these 2 weeks too.

2008-11-12T20:20:00.002+08:00

Man, you really cannot imagine how much ive screwed up for econs. Yea hard questions and stuff, but excuses, all of them. I couldnt even get the freaking basics right.

Case study.... argh what in the world too man.

I think im gonna fare really really bad. I really dont want to imagine what will happen when everyone gets back the results.

Yeah, its over, no point worrying, thats what we can only tell ourselves right?

But inside, you really cannot help but feel really shitty about everything.

2008-11-07T17:51:00.002+08:00

Dammit, ive freaking screwed up math big time. When everyone's saying how easy it was, how they are gonna score 90 marks and above, i have so many more marks gone already. I seriously do not think that was THAT easy?! Then i keep looking at the 2 question papers that we could bring back. Everytime i stare at it another drop of tear wells up in my heart.

Such irony. The subject which i thought i could easily get an A for is the one in which i let myself down the most. Perhaps i am really not fated with math after all.

What the bleagh, man. What the bleagh.

2008-11-02T18:34:00.002+08:00

This is it, man. First paper tomorrow. Really do or DIE.

It's like only yesterday that we went through the terror that was the Os. If Os were the terror, As would be.... indescribable.

All the best, everyone, whether tomorrow's your first paper or the second or the third.

2008-10-25T22:04:00.000+08:00

im super sad now.

WHY DO I HAVE TO GO INTO ARMY SO FREAKINGGGGG EARLYYYYYY??????

This is when i start screaming

2008-10-21T21:38:00.002+08:00

Crap crap crap. A's are in less than 2 week's time.

And i do not feel prepared at all. I dont know why, everyday i spend doing work, practising, i feel that ive done practically nothing at the end of the day.

Okay, this is it, do or die. I think i have motivated myself sufficiently and got my thoughts all sorted out. Im going to give it all ive got already. I shall stop being distracted, stop daydreaming, and GET TO WORK.

I seriously dont want to imagine myself screwing up everything.

But i think ive scared myself sufficiently already. Expectations from everyone, expectations of myself, losing out to peers, imagining myself screwing up my life, ARGH.

Just one more month of slogging, tolerating all this crap. and tons of pimples.

So leave the memories alone

2008-10-17T18:07:00.003+08:00

Studying at jurong library yesterday was pretty interesting. While having our (waikit and i) eyes permanently fixed to look at the table, a whole filming crew started to pour in, together with the only actor we could recognise - shaun chen.

Studying fell apart almost immediately. Especially when they're filming practically NEXT TO YOU.

That's waikit. And shaun chen. and a headless monster.

That's our 2 water bottles that are really happy to be next to shaun.

It was really funny, especially seeing how waikit and i couldnt concentrate at all. Like it took us 10 minutes to realise how KMnO4 actually gives an observable change with its colour......

Interesting stuff, though! Trying to sit so that we wouldnt be caught on tape, trying to sneak in pics, looking at pre-adolescents ogling at shaun. And me using the opportunity to munch on a waffle right in front of the security camera.

I had a dental appointment later that night. And. It was the MOST PAINFUL ONE IVE EVER HAD OMGOMGOMG.

It's a SUPER LONG STORY. But i shall just tell the most recent one:

Me biting on strawberries. Problematic tooth bites on strawberry. Hard little things on surface of strawberry make tooth pain. Tooth chips off. ):

So biting, drinking anything makes the tooth hurt alot, super super sensitive after that.

Then going to the dentist's, he has to CLEAN THE TOOTH before he can fill it up. That's the really painful part.

SOOOOO PAINFUL, I UNWILLING CLOSED MY EYES EVERYTIME IT HURT. and all i could do was to wriggle my fingers and toes pathetically on the chair to ease the pain. however that works out. really. not even a tooth extraction was that painful. nothing ive felt before comes close to that. ):

Farewell assembly ended earlier, and well. It's really saddening. I could ramble on and on about this again, but i think ive done alot of that already. Hahahaha. Photo-spamming, playing badminton with THE GIRLS AS WELL. wow. im really really gonna miss everything. ):

i havent gotten any pics at all as of yet. but i saw this video made by lumpy posted on our class blog:

sigh. ):

07s23 forevaaaaa

2008-10-12T22:21:00.003+08:00

A levels are coming. ):

It just seemed like yesterday when i was sitting for the Os. 2 years passing like that.

Sigh.

life is beautiful

but it's complicated

we barely make it

Will there ever be miracles?

2008-10-06T22:15:00.002+08:00

Last week of school. Omg. ): ): ): ): ):

I totally cannot believe that 2 years have gone by just like that. As what everyone says. When you're enjoying yourself, having fun, time will pass by alot alot quicker.

I think these 2 years have been the funnest ive had so far.

I have to credit my class though! Especially NJPDA. School life would have never been this great without them, really. Laughing all the time, making so much noise, doing really really REALLY stupid things. But it just makes everything all the more so merrier and memorable. Everyone in class is quite on about everything too! And that is totally cool.

I may sound biased. But i think 07s23 is the GREATEST class in nj.

I AM REALLY REALLY LUCKY TO HAVE GOTTEN INTO THIS CLASS.

So many experiences. Camping, competing, OGLing, "around the school expeditions", talking cock, pranking others (being pranked), crazy lessons, it just goes on and on. Fun, exciting, sad, stressful, crazy, so many many many more.

So many new friends made, alot of great, great people.

Words really cannot describe all these.

I dont think pictures can either, hahahaha...

Okay, i think just play any sad sad song like Graduation or From This Moment and i'll start crying. ):

Not even Guilty Pleasure which was playing earlier could lift my mood la. (Like it usually does hahaha) Goodness.

Im gonna miss everything. Sighhhh.

2008-10-04T22:21:00.002+08:00

MY NEPHEW IS SUPER FUNNY.

Like how he is so timid, he is afraid of crawling down a tiny ledge of sorts into the kitchen. Until my sis offered some assistance only then did he hold on to my sis and took his first steps in. Oops. Palms, i meant.

And how he thinks he is a pig.

He makes me laugh alot. Hahahahaha.....

2008-10-02T20:40:00.004+08:00

What lack of sleep does to you: (not like anyone needs any reminders but oh well)

1)removes your ability to think

2)makes you unresponsive to what's happening (in my case, im as responsive as a fishball)

3)gives you a dull and hurting head

5)removes your ability to think

7)GIVESSSSSS you mood SWINGZZZZ sigh HAHAHAHAHA (im scaring myself hahaha)

Okay, after typing the above i really stared blankly into the screen for a good few minutes. Seriously. I need to sleep.

Anyway.....

HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY JESSIE!

Hope you've found new love with a spongy bun, a rather short giraffe, and a new man in your life. HAHAHAHAHA. (REVENGE. HAHAHAHA.)

(p.s. please dont let your family eat up the bun. hahahaha)

I think the way it is, i am better at getting pranked than pranking others. Hahahah....

Okay, sleep soooooon.

2008-09-30T21:33:00.000+08:00

my body is hurting like EVERYWHERE and i dunno why.

gosh.

2008-09-29T22:37:00.004+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JASMINE T.S.K.

(aka pang seh kia. TSK TSK. hahahah)

Hope you liked the cutest birthday cake(s) ever and the little figurines that will fulfil your deepest childhood fantasies on your 18th birthday.

Hahahahaha.... (:

2008-09-24T21:47:00.003+08:00

Nothing much has been happy lately, perhaps it is expected with the As coming?

Studying. Not studying. Wasting time. Talking about the same things over and over again in school. Stoning. Running around. Listening to stories at home about my poor, poor sister. Helping around at home. Horrible bus experiences.

I dunno, life has been pretty mundane and repetitive day by day. /:

As each night approaches, i hope for a really cool tomorrow.

As each morning comes, i hope for a nicer day awaiting.

I hope, i wish, but most of the time i am seemingly powerless to do anything.

Oh well. I think i should just study my butt out like how i did for the Os. And try to concentrate and take my mind out of dreamland.

Going out with old friends is always fun though. (: Especially when it comes to gossiping and crapping. And growing fatter. Hahahaha..... Then just walking aimlessly, staring blankly into a bustling yet serene night. Itd be alot better if not for some pang seh-ing people though. Hahahahahahah....

18th november. it'd be OVEEERRRRR.

2008-09-18T17:25:00.002+08:00

I saw my secondary school tuition teacher while buying lunch today. After taking some time to recognise me, the first things he said were:

"You've changed alot."

"You're fatter now."

"Yeah, your face is rounder."

"You look alot older now."

"You look beardy (HUH?)"

"You've lost your youthfulness."

Random, but at a polyclinic today i saw labels pasted on every last step of a flight of steps, happily announcing

CONGRATULATIONS. YOU HAVE JUST LOST 10 CALORIES.

I dunno why but that really cracked me up.

My prelims results so far are kinda neither here nor there? My chem is rubbish, my physics is.... i have really no idea. But i think i should be happy for my math la, ive never gotten out from hovering around the failing grades but now its alot better.... I always say that im gonna be satisfied with passes, but i guess thats just delusional all the time. I really need to stop making stupid mistakes and make sure that i dont get my mind in a state of whitewash during papers.

As are coming, gosh. I need to study really.

2008-09-16T00:01:00.000+08:00

HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY WAIKIT.

Now that you're legal, have fun but try to restrain yourself on some things, yeah? HAHAHAHA.

oh and ben hong, you FAIL. HAHAHAHAHA......

2008-09-12T09:21:00.002+08:00

Prelims are over.... yay?

I just do not feel much relaxed or anything though.... i prolly need to start studying really soon to prevent a catastrophic A levels, like what much of the prelims have been for me. Sigh.

But going out is waaay much more fun than mugging my butt off, definitely. If i had a choice, i wouldnt wanna mug at all.

Dumb poses yet again.....

(wendy looks really deep in thought..... I wonder if these guys actually have a brain....

Sentosa..... AGAIN. It's getting quite sian already, seriously.

Then we met the others at vivo, went to the rooftop again, but this time we threw our faces playing truth or dare and S.S.M. Lol.

Titanic jack and rose wannabes, crazy monkeys dancing on top of some structure, lots of guy on guy action. Hahahahaha..... And lots of scandals being exposed. Wahahah....

(and realising the guy on the pullup bar actually starts doing pullups and some acrobatic stuff once in a few minutes. i almost freaked out initially.)

Catching this song numerous times on radio, and realised it was quite an interesting song with a perhaps accurate reflection of life in this world... The vid's even more interesting.

When everyone's gonna be so far away....

2008-09-06T22:04:00.005+08:00

James' last basketball day with us before he goes for NATIONAL SERVICE. Man....

David's our photographer for this pic:

The hoop cannot be seen. Blame david.
Everyone looks small. Blame david.
Norman says i look weird, which i dunno how so. Blame david.
Jonathan (the guy in red) has the words "I AM GOING TO PANG SEH YOU ALL FOR LUNCH LATER AGAIN LIKE I ALWAYS DO SO" printed on his face. Blame ~~david~~ jonathan.

We realised that james' eyes were closed only after quite a few steps thus we ended up with the escalator background in the middle of nowhere S:

(I realise james loves weird hand signs in photos hmmm...)

And i seriously cannot imagine him without his spiky hairdo la, much less with any hair AT ALL. HAHA.

I hope he haves fun in tekong man, making new friends with the commando mozzies and stuff. Perhaps i should burn him a paper girlfriend for company like he wanted last time. Haha.

This makes me think of what's gonna happen for all of us by the time it's our turn to serve the nation. Sigh.

2008-09-02T17:40:00.002+08:00

get well soon, mum. i really really hope you don't have to suffer much anymore.....

anyways, i want to buy the chem tys (I CANT FREAKING FIND IT ANYWHERE) and i want my milk tea back..... ):

2008-08-29T21:47:00.004+08:00

This is SUPER HILARIOUS PLEASE: OFFICE OLYMPICS

Prelims are like ALMOST over. But still NOT over. Sigh. And i think. Ive done really really badly for the papers so far. ):

Today we went back to swiss like for the first time in dunno how long. And we waited and waited and waited while the teachers had some dumb meeting before we could see them. Like almost 2 hours. It was quite sad though, that some sort of exodus is happening at swiss, with so many teachers leaving, i'll prolly not be able to see some of them ever again. ): But seeing the rest was great. I really really miss the relaxed times then. Sigh. And it was great seeing so many all-too familiar faces again, though.

Great song, great MV. (actually only the last part looks great haha)

2008-08-21T22:17:00.001+08:00

Only two days of prelims and i think ive screwed up pretty badly already. What in the world, man. What in the world.

PRELIMS omg

2008-08-19T19:10:00.003+08:00

GOOD LUCK TO EVERYONE HAVING PRELIMS.

(A level prelims, O level prelims, PSLE prelims, whatever)

If i wake up tomorrow with my head spinning again i promise im gonna skip the GP paper.

With so much mugging needed, watching the olympics has become a luxury, something to be avoided. Even watching the NATIONAL DAY RALLY has become an indulgence. Sigh.

Oh, and USAIN BOLT OWNS YOUR ASS. Faster than you can count to 9.7 with your toes.

But the NDP rally has become a learning point for econs, really. Lots of policies, fiscal especially. AND A REALLY REALLY SINGAPORE EXCLUSIVE SUPPLY SIDE POLICY TO LEARN:

HAVE MORE BABIES.

Yes, im gonna write that in my essay, bay beh. They can never fault me for not looking into local context.

FOUR WEEKS TO ENDURE.

One Sigh is Not Enough

2008-08-15T22:50:00.001+08:00

Prelims are here! Wheee.... are we SO gonna have fun, man. Study study study, but obviously im not gonna do well for them, definitely not as prepared as i should be, as i could be. But oh well, preparation for As! And listening to music and going crazy at my study table is fun at times.

AND I FREAKING NEED TO GET MY BED OUT OF SIGHT WHEN STUDYING.

argh.

When we were told that official lessons had.... erm.... officially ended, some of us ended up being quite sad and stuff. Like, whoah. Time passes way too quickly la, dammit. In a flash we are graduating from JC already. Sad sad stuff.

So we ended up CAM WHORING at our favourite haunts in school. Yup. It's REALLY REALLY REALLY CRAZY i tell you. We all had to act oblivious to the weird stares that we were getting (well, not that we dont get them all the time) while doing stupid stupid STUPID things. But it's quite FUN. Hahahah....

I shall only post pics with our teachers!

Lol at the lion....

Lol at the WEE SMILE

Lol at.... wendy? Hahahah.....

LOL at poor mr yip

LOL at EIGHT physics teachers (obviously we didnt dare approach our certain physics teacher for a photo! so we made do with..... eight?)

OUR FAVOURITE SEATS IN CLASS.

Oh man, i am really really gonna miss the times in NJ alot alot. As i always say, JC life would be perfect with 3 years. Oh crap, nostalgia's kicking in.

Oh and i think it's quite a pity for waikit who ended up going to the FIR concert with me. Tsk tsk. Ask you to persuade her parents you dont want. Hahahaha..... But oh well. At least it was quite okay, i heard most of the songs before and stuff. I can only imagine how a jay chou concert would have been like.

TOTAL KICKASS.

OH! THIS:

HAHAHAHAHAHA.

Man....

2008-08-06T21:45:00.000+08:00

Some invest pics i managed to get! (they seem to be.... quite rare...)

(everything's quite blur.... /:)

THE FUNNIEST OF ALL:

The maktabbers! According to jessie, we were actually supposed to look FIERCE or something. (i THINK i kinda heard something like that. hahaha)

BUUUUUT. As you can see, we arent actually fierce or anything.

Kevin's acting beng.

I am TRYING to look fierce. (actually i was in a dilemma, to smile for the camera or to look fierce. hahahaah!) Oh and i look crooked. S:

Terence is. Well. Quite happy, as you can see.

Jessie is. Quite FIERCE already la! HAHAHAHA. But too bad about the..... BAOS. WAHAHAHAHA. (perhaps you were the wife of the fisherman who caught BAO BAO. HAHAHAHAA) Please dont blame me for not trying to be fierce! As everyone can see, i am TRYING VERY HARD. (:

(I WANT THE RIDICULOUS PIC OF THE AWARDS THINGY! mr strong, mr prawn etc etc. )

i FINALLY got a new phone. but..... i just get reminded of a certain phone drowning in a certain waterfall somewhere across the causeway.... ):

Prelims start like, LESS THAN 2 WEEKS LATER?!?!?!? AND I HAVENT STARTED STUDYING AT ALL. It's just doing work, work, more work, work, work. Oh man. Sigh.

I was trying to study so microecons earlier. And i was staring blankly at the notes half the time.

SIGH.

2008-08-03T10:54:00.002+08:00

Whooooo, i betted that we were the only crazy NJ students with prelims coming REALLY REALLY SOON who would go watch a movie after school on monday. And great, we saw another NJ guy greeting us inside the cinema after the show was over. Okay, quite surprising really. And i can chop many fish balls, just give me fish balls and a knife.

DARK KNIGHT was really cool! And joker was quite quite scary. I was quite surprised to see young girls accompanied by their parents to watch the show, i just hoped that they wouldnt just jump out of their seats and freak out and block my view and mask the sounds. Thankfully they didnt, they just fell asleep (or perhaps just covering their eyes). Im not gonna spoil anything from the movie, but i thought Batman Begins was better though, and i felt that two-face seemed more appropriate for a National Geographic documentary on the human face.

This parody of a scene in the movie is SUPER FUNNY. Seriously. But to avoid spoiling anything (i dont even know if it does?) perhaps you would wait until you watch the movie before you watch this.

OAC investiture was like 0n wednesday, and it was pretty eventful, but heck, i dont see any postings of pictures except for one out of what, many many? But it was great and well, im really gonna miss OAC alot alot.

sigh sigh sigh. SINGFEST. sigh sigh sigh.

2008-07-24T17:52:00.002+08:00

REASON NUMBER 11 WHY GP ROCKS:

MY GP TUTOR IS GOING TO BE AWAY FOR 2 WEEKS
= NO GP FOR TWOOOOOO WEEKS

WOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOO.

(: (: (: (: (: (: (:

Freaky crap, its thursday of week five? Which means..... WEEK FIVE IS ENDING. And restructured timetable kicks in next week. And prelims and As are even closer.

): ): ): ): ): ): ):

And seriously, i have no idea how some people can just do nothing but mug and mug and mug and mug whenever they can. Before school, during breaks, during free periods, during lunch, between lessons, after school. /:

I CANT FREAKING STAND MUGGING. I so wish i could just run away with all my friends and family from this horrible place, but sadly, it is impossible.

): ): ): ): ): ): ):

So many briefings about CAAL portfolio, school graduation certificates, cca achievements, yadda yadda. And ive realised how ive barely done anything in this one year plus. No participation, no achievement, no leadership, no this, no that. Looking around i see presidents, vice captains, gold with honours, this award, that position. Looking into the mirror, i see kinda nothing. Yargh.

Random, but i wanna watch the dark knight quite badly. Yargh.